Someone I know asked me to do something for him , Deep down I knew I wanted to say no but I went ahead and said Yes. I felt resentful while doing it , to a point where he started to notice my bad vibes then said "Friend , you could've just said no , it wasn't going to affect our friendship"
That was a while back but I still remember that instance everytime I have to exercise my No.
Listen , I know you mean well when you are constantly saying " Yes" to things you know you wanna say "No" to , but you seriously gotta STOP!
We both know it's draining your energy & that is not healthy at all.
Only agree to things you know you genuinely want to do and say No to everything else. Are you afraid you'll lose people because of that ? Then so be it. People who truly love you will respect your boundaries. Not being able to say no is a boundary problem which needs to be dealt with.
Mostly boundary problems are motivated by fear and these fears include :
Fear of hurting other people's feelings
Fear of punishment
Fear of being ashamed
Fear of being seen as selfish or bad
Fear of someone else's anger.
Setting boundaries on other people is not that difficult , the real trick is in setting boundaries on ourselves. Let me give you 3 examples of areas we often struggle with when setting boundaries on ourselves.
Money : When we have difficulty saying no to spending more than we should, we run the risk of becoming someoneelse’s servant.
Time : The person with undeveloped time self-boundaries ends upfrustrating not only others, but herself.
Sex : No matter how many orgasms are reached, thedesire only deepens, and the inability to say no to one’s lusts drives one deeper into despair and hopelessness.
And when it comes to other people , You owe no one an explanation about why you will not do something that is not your responsibility . If Derrick wants you to type something for him and you don't want to , it's okay to say No without any other explanation. It's really a matter of whether you want to do something for someone or not and saying no is okay. In fact , start saying it more often . Practice saying it more so that you learn how to say it and not feel guilty.
Exercise your No !!!
